Crazy Internet Fucker Award #1
I think we all agree that the internet is a super fabulous place, but its not all Viagra and clown porn. No, the internet has a down side. Any asshole can post something on the internet, and that low barrier to entry practicaly begs for the crazy rantings of insane fuckers. And trust me - there are lots of insane fuckers out of there.
To celebrate these unsung heroes of the internet, I have created the Crazy Internet Fucker Award which will be presented on a semi-regular basis. To kick off this new feature I have decided to honor one of the craziest fuckers out there: Gene Ray AKA the Time Cube guy.
I’m not even sure where to begin with this guy. His “website” is angry, disorganized, rambling, and utterly incomprehensible. His rantings all stem from his theory of “Nature’s Harmonic 4 simultaneous 24 hour days within a single rotation of Earth” - AKA the Time Cube. If that sounded like utter gibberish then you were educated stupid. But don’t worry, I am here to help you decipher the teachings of the the wisest human to ever live on earth. Basically, the earth exists as “4 90-degree opposite corner quadrants, but not as a 360 degree circle”. Those four “sides” make up the Time Cube. You heard me correctly - according to Gene Ray a cube has four sides, not six:
Educators fear me, they cower and run.
6 sides constitutes a sextet — not a Cube.
Teaching that a Cube has ‘6 sides’ with
no top & bottom, induces an evil curse
that pervades all academic institutions.
I wager you are having a hard time wrapping your mind around the concept of the Time Cube. That is because you are educated singularity stupid and evil, unfit for life in the Universe of Opposites. But if you manage to make it to the bottom of the second page you will find undeniable proof: If you take four different people and place them at the four corners of the Earth you will find that in one single rotation of the planet each person experiences mid-day, mid-night, sun-up and sun-down. Therefore there are actually four simultaneous days within one single earth rotation!
I just blew your fucking miiiiiiind.
So lets all put our hands together for Gene Ray - the first recipient of the CIFA! You sir are one batshit crazy internet fucker.
