Time to take action
This time they have gone too far.
I was watching television a couple of nights ago and I saw the most horrifying commercial. We are watching people eat in what appears to be a fancy Italian restaurant, all the while peeing their pants over the delicious pasta dishes. The head chef walks out of the kitchen and makes an announcement: he didn’t cook the delicious pasta. Pizza Hut delivered it. Pizza Hut now makes pasta.
And then I vomited.
As an Italian and a practicing yumertarian I am deeply offended and angered by this news. I don’t understand why anyone would order pasta from a place that - despite having it right there in the fucking name - can’t even make something as simple as pizza. The noxious greasy disks of crap they pass off as pizza should be reclassified as weapons of mass colon destruction.
I realize that I may be a wee bit spoiled. My grandmother and my aunt, both born in Italy, are unbelievable cooks. I’ve had the privilege of growing up with authentic Italian food - the likes of which I have never encountered in any American restaurant, even the fancy ones. So if quality restaurants that use actual ingredients and hire real chefs can’t get pasta right, can you imagine the foul shit that must come from Roach Pizza Hut? I certainly can’t. And I feel that is my duty to make sure no one ever has to.
This weekend I will be protesting outside the Pizza Hut on El Camino in Mountain View. I urge anyone who has functioning taste buds to join me. To protect our identity I suggest wearing Julia Child and Alton Brown masks.
