Bullshit
The thing I hate most about watching football is the commercials. While it shouldn’t come as a surprise, the ads are targeted at a very specific market segment: beer, trucks, and financial institutions. (The later being unintentionally hilarious given an economy that is in the process of shitting itself). As a result I see the same commercials over and over again, giving me plenty of time to analyze the marketing messages. And most of them are compete bullshit.
The beer commercials are the absolute worst. The latest offender is the “drinkability” ad campaign from Budweiser. In one of the ads a guy attending a tailgating party turns down a Bud light because he claims “beer fills him up”. At this point the action stops and an incredulous woman walks into the scene. As she explains, all the crappy food you have been shoving down your pie hole is what fills you up, while Bud light cannot possibly fill you up because it possesses the elusive “drinkability” quality.
That odor you smell is pure bullshit.
Ryan and I were just discussing this last night. Beer is mostly water. After you drink three bottles of Bud light you have 36 ounces of liquid in your belly, and that is going to “fill you up” regardless. Even if you replaced all that beer with water you would have the same stomach situation, and nothing is more “drinkable” than water. The Budweiser marketing department expects us to believe their beer can violate the laws of physics.
And then there is Coors Light, which is marketed as the “coldest tasting beer”. This is so mind-boggling stupid that I have a hard time talking about. Cold is a function of temperature - it is not a taste. I repeat, it is not a fucking taste! Furthermore, all beers become equally cold when placed in a frigid environment. The crafters of Coors Light have not concocted a special brewing process that bends the laws of thermodynamics. It’s like drinking from a bullshit firehose.
If only the bullshit was contained to beer commercials. Sony has a particular irritating commercial in which a man is having a difficult time deciding which HD television to purchase from the overwhelming selection. The wall of televisions slides away to reveal a panel of athletic celebrities, including the king of advertising-whoring Peyton Manning. ”Since most major sports are shot with Sony HD cameras”, the panel of douchebags explain, “shouldn’t you watch them on a Sony TV?”. The confused customer accepts this bullshit explanation as if it is a mathematical proof. Q.E.D.
I don’t even have the energy to explain the multitude of technical inaccuracies which form the basis of that marketing message. I’ve been buried by an avalanche of bullshit and I cannot even begin to dig myself out.
I think was upsets me the most is that the people who unquestioningly believe this bullshit are the same people who are going to vote in a couple weeks. I’m surprised John McCain hasn’t put out a series of ads proclaiming himself as the “coldest tasting presidential candidate”.
